Well, after two nervous breakdowns, a house settlement, and a horrifying week of pain – I make my gallant return with this post.
I have been scarce the past few weeks (months) and thought rather than doing a normal “fitness/diet” post I would connect with all of you on a human level. I think one thing that is often stepped over in the fitness world is emotional, mental health along with the physicality of it. If you’re mind and heart aren’t in it, you’re probably going to fall off track, and that is exactly what has happened to me.
I have been under an excessive amount of stress since the end of April due to massive changes and forward momentum in my life; sometimes this makes me question if I am ready to full commit to the life I have chosen for myself. I admit, sometimes I still think about leaving everything I know and just going to college for free in Norway, or touring all of Southeast Asia on a two dollar budget, or really, just do anything but be here. (I have this awesome ability to sabotage my own happiness – anyone else LOVE doing that to themselves?) Thankfully, I talked myself down from ledge and chose to do what is not only the responsible-adult decision, but the one that also makes me extremely happy.
In other news, my significant other and I have finally found the home we want to settle into the next few years and I feel like I can finally breathe; it’s like I have been holding my breath, suffocating since the end of April. However, before this ounce of clarity and momentary bliss, I can see how depressed I have been the past two months over everything from money to my body. Do any of you get down on yourself when you know your diet and workouts aren’t where they used to be? I do. It’s a mental hijacking that totally throws off your confidence and self esteem. You could be the same weight, same size, same everything, but you know you haven’t done your best, and somehow, this transforms your eyes into seeing yourself as bigger, flabbier than you actually are – stupid body dysmorphic disorder. 😡
(Warning: Men, I am going to be doing straight girl-talk in a second. So, if you’re a punk-ass or dislike hearing about how women take care of their bodies, please, refrain from reading the following paragraph.)
Thankfully, I am starting to find my routine again. I haven’t been able to lift as heavy as I normally do the past week due to what I am affectionately referring to as, “Hurricane Uterus: Revenge of the IUD.” It took my body a little longer than most women to adjust to the cramping and let me tell you, it was some bullshit. I honestly felt as though there were little men with pick axes scraping the inner walls of my entire abdomen. But, now, it’s all sunshine, daisies, and roses. All the flowers. All the time. I am glad I stuck it out and gave myself time to adjust, being gentle with myself, eating whatever I felt I needed, and doing light cardio if I felt like doing anything at all. That is one thing I want to highlight in this post:
Be gentle to yourself. Be kind.
I am by no means perfect and I think that is what makes this blog so fun – it’s an adventure for all of us. I have never achieved my body image goals but I am slowly progressing for all of you to see. You get to see my journey unfold and know you are not alone in your struggles; everyone aspiring to having a better body, a healthier life, have their bad months, bad years. It happens. LIFE happens. But, I want you to know it’s okay and you’re going to do it. I know you will, because I will, and we are doing this together, right? So, give yourself some time, breathe a little. Instead of dieting so hard and lifting 24/7, treat yourself. Go to yoga. Take a walk. Buy a dark chocolate bar with almonds. Go wild.
I love you all, and I am looking forward to continuing my fitness journey with you in the month of July once I am all moved in and settled.